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kashanclaws

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July 14th, 2009

get fucked, imbeciles.
i hope everyone dies in a fucking fire.
i hope i'm the last to burn.
i want to watch your skin swell and split in the heat;
watch it bubble up and slide down your skeleton
which only serves as a frame for your organs
and your ample supply of bullshit.
i want to watch the hairs sizzle into smoke right off your scalp,
the noxious smell tantalizing these nostrils...
while your eyes bulge from sagging sockets
and NOW i can fucking see inside of you little shits.
do you know what i see?
NOTHING.
YOU ARE EMPTY. YOU ARE WORTHLESS.
YOU ARE NOTHING BUT SACKS OF
UNDULATING BULLSHIT; VACUOUS LIES.

I want to see your skulls
as empty as i know they are.
and your hearts, a laughable folly,
deflating bile and blood onto the floor.


i wish your outsides matched your insides;
for then you'd cease to exist.

i want to crow over the carnage
before striking the final match
and crumbling to ashes myself.

for i am nothing
without this hatred,
and there is no hatred
without you.

April 27th, 2009

"i don't believe in miracles
but i believe in you"


i don't want this to be
pressuring
but - you know i'd walk the whole way to jersey
barefoot (or worse, in heels)
to keep your kisses coming.

i'm sorry, becuase i know when i say things like
i love you
that you ache, and feel it too.
Your face scrunches up
in the most endearing way,
and you squirm and whine
and dammit, it makes me laugh, and i fall all over again.

like little card castles that we build in
unlikely places:
a church parking lot
a frat house stairwell
the parking lot rooftop
and countless showers
but the summer winds are starting to blow;
and they all fall down


i can only hope
that once upon tomorrows
we'll make our slow and trembling way
back to the fort on the floor of your dorm room.
and we'll make out like teenagers
again and
again.

April 10th, 2009

This bastard is the posterchild for what is wrong with humanity.


You: don't dig on the religion thing.
You: the fam is jewish. but *shakes head*
Stranger: its good and bad
Stranger: ummm
Stranger: got anything to add to it amiga?
You: about religion?
You: i think it will destroy us all, to be honest.
You: because religion is the complete opposite of critical, reasoned thinking.
You: it is blind belief.
Stranger: ok what is murder based on?
You: without evidence to substantiate a claim
You: it depends on the people
Stranger: if i kill you is it wrong?
You: yeah. but thats just called having a human conscience
Stranger: its based on religion
You: not true.
You: at all.
Stranger: lol and to be honest...
Stranger: if i didnt believe in anythign or found out it was all fake....
Stranger: i would go fucking crazy right now
You: ...dude
You: i think that says way more about the kind of person you are, than about anything else
You: because
Stranger: if i knew there wasnt a heaven or hell...
You: i personally dont need to be threatened by "going to hell" to be kind to others, to treat people with compassion and care
You: but
Stranger: if there wasnt a heaven or hell
You: maybe i'm a fucking saint haha
Stranger: i wouldnt care about anything
You: ...i think that just means you are empty. no offense.
You: if you have something to live for
You: like love
You: and passion
Stranger: well
Stranger: why would it matter
You: i guess to you it wouldnt.
Stranger: if i died and nothing happened to me
You: oh well?
Stranger: and no heaven or hell
You: i dont care what happens when i die.
Stranger: but its all god right now
Stranger: good*
You: i'm here. i'm alive. i'm going to do what fulfills me as a person
You: and i dont need to be "threatened" by some fairy tale about heaven and hell to be a good person.
You: i'm a good person because i just AM.
You: because it makes me feel good inside
Stranger: well
Stranger: in 100 years
You: and it makes me happy to make others happy.
Stranger: me and you will know the truth
You: ahaha
You: ooookay
You: i'm sorry
Stranger: its all god
You: but i'm not a sheep who will believe something just because someone tells me its too.
You: *so
You: i'm a scientist.
Stranger: like i say...
You: i only submit to facts.
You: and at this point.
Stranger: whatever floats your boat
You: there is absolutely no substantial proof of there being a god.
Stranger: is there proof there isnt?
You: i simply cannot believe there is some "omnipotent, all loving" dude making shit happen
You: when children get raped.
You: when innocent people starve to death.
You: when animals are abused
Stranger: yeah...
You: i just cant believe there is someone out there personally invested in people.
You: because if he is
You: he either can't do anything about it
You: which means he isnt omnipotent.
You: or he doesnt care.
Stranger: its all weird
You: and i'd rather take life at face value, fact for fact
You: than believe in something as ridiculous as that.
You: i cant.
Stranger: like i said
Stranger: 100 years from now
You: what? in 2109?
Stranger: when you and i are being eating by maggots and other bugs
You: *shrugs*
Stranger: we will know the truth
You: hah
You: oookay.
Stranger: its the truth though
You: hah any proof of that?
You: because i could easily say
You: in 100 years
Stranger: im ean about knowing the truth
You: harry potter will fly backwards out of my vagina, while singing Beatles songs.
Stranger: mean*
You: but
You: i have NO proof of that
You: just like you have no proof of this idea of yours.
Stranger: ok miss smarty pants
Stranger: how do you explain hannah montana
Stranger: huh??
You: what about her?
Stranger: lol randomness
Stranger: i couldnt come up with something better
Stranger: anyways
You: understandable
Stranger: religion just makes people different
You: different how?
Stranger: if we all wanted to be the same, the usa should of let germany win world war 2
You: more likely to bomb eachother?
You: false.
You: because
You: the way it's been
You: religion is the number one cause of death in the world!
Stranger: whats the 2nd
You: stupidity,
You: not sure.
You: but it sure as fuck isnt athiesm!
Stranger: people will kill peole anyways
Stranger: people*
You: oh okay
Stranger: if the nazis did win...
Stranger: they would kill each oher anyways
You: the nazis were run by a religious man.
Stranger: no
You: uhhhh yeah
You: please honey.
Stranger: the nazi's had a book written by hitler
Stranger: the book was called mein kramp i believe
You: my great grand parents were ALL killed in the holocoust.
Stranger: it was kinda like their bible
You: i might know a teeeeeny bit more than you
You: its mein kampf actually.
Stranger: my grandfathers killed the nazis
You: you get a fucking cookie!

this guy is officially the biggest douchebag on earth. >_<


Stranger: well it seems i got ya all fired up
You: because i give a shit about it
You: it's called having a passion.
Stranger: ok
Stranger: i thought this is where you click disconnect?
You: i dont care enough to
Stranger: lol
Stranger: dang
Stranger: you must like this or something
You: i guess i'm a masochist.
Stranger: lol
Stranger: you mean like being a sociopath or whatever?
You: uhh no
You: a masochist is defined as "one who derives pleasure from being in pain"
Stranger: oh
Stranger: i thought it meant...
Stranger: you get pleasure from someone pain etc
You: no.
You: its personal pain
You: thats called being a fucking sicko.
Stranger: ok...
You: it is.
Stranger: so you are getting pleasure from this somehow?
You: uh dont flatter yourself.
You: i meant
You: it's almost excruciating to endure arguing with a religious person. because their arguements contain zero logic. its completely pointless. you cant have a logical arguement with someone who doesnt use logic to think.
You: its almost painful.
You: but
You: still
You: i do it.


arguing with religion is like masturbation with a tazer. >_<

the icing on the cake:

Stranger: some good things came from religion
You: like what?
Stranger: religion created wars
You: ....that isnt a good thing, you fool.


People like this make lose ALL hope for humanity.


Oh well.

March 18th, 2009

So i just found out yesterday that a kid I recently struck up a close friendship with is pretty much a creationist.

FML much

December 15th, 2008

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Change in plans

So i bought the tank and all the goodies for it. Set up shall commence wednesday.

I ended up going with a 16 bowfront. Its such a beautiful shapem and fit my space requirements. It also cut down on the height problems a 20 hex would have.

I talked with a few ex-coworkers of mine, who have been in the hobby 15 years - 10 years. I'm going with the rams, corycats, and some guppies

more later....

November 26th, 2008

He found my page on myspace and told me I was beautiful.

"I want you to model for me." He said.
"Really?" I was surprised and thrilled at the prospect.
"Yes, really."
"Well, I would absolutely love to, I've done some modeling in the past, and am game for pretty much anything. I love the camera."
"Cool..."

Shortly after, He called me one evening.
"I'm in your area, just hanging out, waiting to pick up some equpiment from a friend, want to hang out for a bit?"

I met him by his car in the parking lot of a local high school. I was struck by how attractive he was, with his longish unkempt blonde hair, angular features, and aloof mannerisms. He told me he liked my lip ring, and mentioned he used to have snakebites. I told Him that I used to have them as well. We marveled at the coincidence, and discussed other ways in which we were similar: An affinity for the color red, mutual enjoyment of the band Circa Survive...

A Police car pulled up, and told us we had to leave the lot, that we were trespassing. I drove away, with him in the passenger's seat, to a local park. I parked the car, and we walked through the playground in the dark, towards the woods beyond the baseball and football feilds.

The lights of suburbia at our backs, we made our way into a heavily wooded and dark forest, an old haunt of mine to which I have always been quite partial. We walked in silence to the sounds of branches snapping beneath my boots and His frayed Converses, the sounds leaves brushing upon my leather jacket and His black hoodie.

We reached a clearing where partially fallen trees leaned upon eachother in support. I perched myself upon a thick horizontal trunk, and lit a cigarette. He asked for one. I lit a cigarette for Him. He leaned back upon my knees as we talked of the ominous nature of the place where we had settled on our little trek. He then turned to face me, and He kissed me, with the urgency of one releasing something suppressed. I kissed Him back. We left the park, and sat in my car listening to music for a while. And then He left, and so did I.

Some days later, He called me to invite me to a concert in the city. Double Dagger. I agreed, and on the evening of the show, met Him in the city. He was drinking a forty. I had a Red Bull. We went into the concert and submerged ourselves in a hardcore wonderland. All the other attendees were students of the art college, girls with unnatractive, brutally short haircuts, boys in dirty flannel. The smell of body odor threatened to overwhelm. I felt out of place, in my clean black jeans, black laced top, long hair and stillettos. However, I enjoyed the concert immensely.

I drove him back to his campus that night.

"last night, if i recall correctly
there were explosions in the city.
It was somewhere between stoplights...
when their multifaced lenses burned
a neon shade of poppy red.

I never saw it coming;
but all at once it burned through me.
It began, flared upon my lips
and coursed through my self -
down my throat and through the veins in my fingertips.
A soft, hot flame
as if branded with an iron steeped in the
licking tongue of passion's breath-
which, at that very moment
(the one in which the world stopped turning)
i felt colliding with my own exhale.
And so deeply i then inhaled, hoping
for something far more sacred to be
sucked, to be buried
between the pockets of my own
marlboro basted lungs.

Instantaneous, simultaneously
silent riots broke out within my very synapses;
Short circuiting.


(Initiate Reboot)
And then... air meets my lips;
Alas, the chill of that empty air.

Bright lights dazzle my eyes
which have temporarily
forgotten how to see.

And as they recall how they were born to function
they are met with a cool kelly green.

The world resumes, never to recall
the moment of suspension.
The staccatto rhythm in my chest
makes me wonder if i ought to seek medical attention.

I return slowly to
the car, the street, the stoplight
as the dust settles,
post apocolyptic.

My toes press in pretty stillettos
upon the gas pedal.

The world spins swiftly
as though nothing ever happened;
My thoughts spin with it,
but unable to forget.

There was small-scale devastation in the city last night.

If, for certain, the world ceases to spin-
if only for a moment-
for a single soul...
who are we to deny it occured at all?"

We met up later that week at the art college in the city. He brought me to His dorm room, a cluttered place of organized chaos and art equipment. He pulled me to his room, and we sat upon His bed listening to peculiar music and chatting idly. He kissed me, pushing my back to the mattress, pulling himself atop me. I kissed Him back. He insisted I stay the night. Unwillingly, I told Him I simply could not. He kissed me and I could taste the whiskey on His lips. And I kissed him back with vigor. He ridiculed me for not staying the night as He kissed me, and I stammered my apologies and unwillingness to leave upon His mouth and tongue. We then left the room and He walked me to my car. He pressed me against the door and He kissed me, and then he turned and walked away without a single word.

The following week, He invited me to his new house in the City to do a photo shoot. He layed a black sheet upon the floor. I sat in the corner petting a python left by the previous owner. He told me the python was named Richard. He held the snake for me as I undressed, and then handed it back to me as I layed on my back on the sheet. His eyes studied me in a new light, a meticulous and disenchanted light. He positioned the lights upon me and proceeded to shoot, as I held the lovely little python, and whispered soft words to it. He stopped taking pictures after about an hour, and I redressed, relinquishing the python to its tank. He layed upon his mattress. I stroked His blonde hair. I wanted Him to kiss me. But He did not kiss me.

"So how did they turn out?" I inquired about the pictures some weeks later.
"I deleted them all. I hated them."
Shock. Anger.
"You deleted them?! And you didn't even show them to me?"
"Yeah. They were just bad. I hated them."
"What?! What was wrong with them?" I was highly affronted.
"You just don't fit the image I wanted. You aren't like the people I usually shoot."
"I didn't fit the image you wanted?! What image is that?!"
"You were just too "classically pretty" for it, okay?"
"I was too pretty for your photographs?"I asked, musing at the thought, taking in the convoluted compliment.
"Basically"

"Well alright then."

I drove down to the city that night, and knocked upon the door of His new house. He answered the door, wearing only a pair of tight black jeans, half empty bottle of whiskey in his left hand. His chest was bare and pale, his hipbones protruded - sexually inviting. He invited me in and we sat on the wooden floor for a while and listened to a band with whom we were both friendly. He tipped a measure of the liquor past His thin lips, while I doodled absently on a notebook.

He made his way across the floor towards me He kissed me, pushing only the notebook from my lap, and thrusting His hand . I kissed Him back, breathing in stale cigarette smoke and cheap alcohol.

He kissed me hard, and it hurt. So I stabbed him in the neck with my pen. It probably hurt a lot more. He started to writhe, and clutched at where the Bic protruded from His windpipe, choking on the viscous and wonderfully red blood that poured liberally from the wound. He attempted to cry out, but this would not do at all, so I utilzed the black bandanna he often wore and gagged Him with it. I wrenched the pen from His throat; it was slippery between my fingers. I gazed into those lovely gray eyes and smiled. His fruitless blows upon me waned less enthusiastic as the reflective red pool on the floor grew steadily. I pulled the bandanna from his mouth, and He gurgled mutely at me, blood coursing from his lips. I kissed him, and relished this new taste upon his lips.

I stood and walked to his desk. I picked up his camera. I tossed the pen lightly onto His still chest. I positioned the lights. I took His picture.


Several days later, I developed the film, however, I scrapped the pictures. I hated the way they turned out. He was just too pretty for the photographs.

June 25th, 2008

GREAT NEWS!

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So, about 3 days ago, as i stepped from the bathroom after a shower, i opened the door to the hallway to find...

BELLATRIX! She was sliding along RIGHT in front of the door. I was so suprised i dropped my towel and yelped. I immediately bundled my little Bella into my arms and settled her down in her new home, that she never got to see two weeks ago when i brought her to the house . She seems more skittish of people that when i first got her (then again, she was in shed aka half blind when i got her... she doesn't know her momma yet)

But I got her nice and warm and she seemed to calm down and get some sleep. In a cage with mondo snake clamps. Over the last few days or so, she's gotten more deliberate in her movements, less jumpy. I guess it musta been pretty stressful to be bopping around a crazy house with all those huge people... Poor Bellatrix. But she is safe now.

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND HELP. It really meant a lot to me; i can't tell you how excited I am to have her back...

So that was very exciting. 

Oh and to all those concerned, i told the parents about my snakes. They were like "uh... okay whatev, just don't let them eat the puppy" So that went well, i think!


And another exciting update, that centers around those wonderful Pythons....

A breeder with whom I am pretty close (named Tom) informed me this past weekend that he was getting rid of some of his Royals  and Corns to make room for more rare/exotic snakes in his collection, and offered to give me one of his larger Royals, set up included, for a pretty reasonable adoption fee.

And so, i took him on. I'm now the owner of a robust male royal python whom i've lovingly named Severus. (haha "Severus SNAKE teehee i'm an idiot) He's approximately 3 feet long, and has a very docile temperment.

Tom helped me get the tank into my house, and set it all up on monday, and then dropped off Severus yesterday.

He likes to wind himself around his big water bowl. *giggles* I've been leaving him alone, because moving reptiles = stressed reptiles.

So now... i need to find places where feeder mice are cheap. My reptile Habit is getting expensive.

April 25th, 2008

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Candled  the eggs today, One seems kinda dormant.


But the other one, had tiny little red veins in it. Bright bright red veins! all emanating from a little reddish bll thingy.... BABY!!!!! *crosses fingers* ohhh i so hope i get a hatchling outta those eggs.

February 8th, 2008

What are your plans for this weekend?
 Party! At someone else's dorm. with someone else's friends. not drinking. i'm retarded
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